Tariq, Dawood and Haroon

As my search for a husband continues, I remember when I was younger and used to have lots of proposals, and I was extremely fussy, and to a certain extent I still am. I mean, it’s a once in a lifetime deal for me, I absolutely want to get it right, or as perfect as I can. The difference is that these days my tick-boxes have changed, the qualities I seek in a partner seem to be pretty much impossible to find at times. And whilst I am happy to look at all potentials, in order to keep my parents and extended family happy, I now feel I’m at the stage where they are willing to entertain anybody who has a pulse.

I mean, I know how stressed out they are by my not being married, but sometimes the guys they show me are unreal. When I was younger, my parents were so fussy, I wasn’t forced to go through the whole cattle market scenario, unless my parents actually thought there was a chance things could work out, so I didn’t have to endure boys and Mums coming to my house and having to serve them tea and samosas. Yet now, they consider all sorts, yes I know I’m old, yes I know everybody around me is getting married, but even so…I find it upsetting, and almost consider giving in and marrying any old dumbface. Years ago, my parents wouldn’t even consider divorcees, and yet now they ignore the fact that some of the potentials that come my way have children from a previous marriage. I should state, that I have nothing against divorcees, but I do not want a ready made family. I’m not selfless enough for that, I want my husband and I to have our family. I don’t want ex-children and ex-wives in the picture.

And the people who send these potentials? Some of them have the attitude that we/I should be grateful we are getting a ‘rishta’ because there is a line of girls waiting to marry so and so boy. Puhleese!

A lot of times I’m asked to see people who I have absolutely nothing in common with, no attraction, no commonalities, no nothing. There is also the guys that are not conventional ‘marriage material’ ie, no real job, hit with the ugly stick, and so big you could park a bus in their shadow. I wonder about the motives behind people who send such rishtas, I mean I have nothing against somebody who is a cab driver, or works in a take away, my Dad was in the restaurant trade for years, and hard graft never done anybody any harm. Yet, these same women want Lawyers, Doctors, Engineers for their own daughters…Why aren’t these boys good enough for them? or just for me?

You know when you go to Sainsburys, and they have that shelf, ‘Reduced for quick sale’; with the items that have their sell-by date for the next day, tins that are damaged, tubs with their contents missing? That’s what I feel like sometimes. An easy bargain to be snapped up, by those not so fussy customers.

On one hand, I’m grateful that friends, randoms consider me when they think of setting up matches, and I try not to dismiss them so easily, but it’s becoming harder, and especially when I’m told that I should stop messing about and get on with it.

Trust me, I’m trying.

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~ by Honest Waffle on 11/10/2009.

5 Responses to “Tariq, Dawood and Haroon”

  1. What are your tick boxes? And how have they changed?

  2. Mash – Fewer now, prob best to do this as a post in itself.

  3. Hmm…the dilemma of a desi girl. I think I can totally relate to you (and I say think…because only you really know how you feel). I promise you that Allah (SWT) has the right guy for you..somewhere. I’m not one to travel towns, states or countries in search of Mr. Right, but perhaps you are looking in the wrong side of town? Also..I would highly suggest NEVER going to someone who has single daughters of their own to suggest potential spouses because its quite obvious that they would pick the good-looking, suitable boys for their own daughters and then point the leftovers in your direction.

    Hang in there…Allah SWT is the best of planners.

  4. Excellent writing style! You sound so honest and real. I am a little confused about the title “Dawood, Tariq and Haroon” and am wondering where do they fit in?

  5. Muslim equivalent of Tom, Dick and Harry.

    (Yes I’m a bit strange like that)

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