Snippets

Thankfully some of my experiences were very short; usually a quick phone exchange or MSN chat session. I swear, I haven’t made any of these up, and in most cases they had seen my picture, and were aware that I wore hijaab.

(Apologies in advance, this may offend)

Him: I would marry you if you took off your hijaab, can you do that?

Me: Yes, right after you cut off your left testicle and hand it to me.

 

Him: I would like to sleep with you to see if we are sexually compatible, before deciding on marriage.

Me: This isn’t try before you buy.

Him: Aren’t you worried that you will end up sexually frustrated with your husband?

Me: I’ll take my chances thanks.

Him: Think about it, what I’m saying makes sense.

Me: Actually, yeah, let me think…F*CK OFF.

(He hung up)

 

Him: We’re not compatible because you wear hijaab, and I’m looking for somebody modern who will go out clubbing with me, I still enjoy going out.

Me: Oh, I’m a theatre and comedy gig sort of girl. You still go clubbing?

Him: Yes

Me: How old are you again?

Him: 39

Me: I see. Ok. Well I wish you the best of luck.

 

Him: What’s your favourite sexual position?

Me: Where you’re naked, and six foot under.

Him: Haha, you’re well kinky

Me: (Thinking WTF?!) ….You’re a dick. P*SS OFF.

 

Him: Can I ask your bra size?

Me: No.

(I hang up)

 

Him: Do you give blow jobs?

Me: *blinking*

(I hung up. Sometimes there just isn’t enough time to formulate a reply, and then you realise you just want to get off the phone)

 

Him: Do you go clubbing?

Me: Yes, I have a neon hijaab, especially for the weekends.

Him: Really?

Me: Yes, and a matching boob tube

Him: Really?!

Me: No! I’m joking!

Him: That’s not funny.

Me: I thought it was

(He hung up)

 

Him: Can I get a private bellydance?

Me: No. You can spin on it.

(That potential was via a friend, who gave shared more information than was necessary)

 

Him: Bet you are quite a minx, they say the good girls are always the dirty ones.

Me: They do? (Sometimes it’s best to just act dumb)

Him: Yeah, the hijaabis who look all innocent and cute, all just gagging for it really.

Me: I see. I thought you said your Mum wore a scarf.

Him: YOU F*CKING B*TCH!

(I hung up, and he called back goodness knows how many times, and left horrid voicemails. So I gave his number to some of my male friends, and he stopped, and texted me a wonderful apology)

 

Him: Shaista, I would like to propose to you. Will you marry me?

Me: I’m not Shaista

(That was awkward)

 

Him: Would you take it really bad if I said I had w*nked thinking about your picture?

Me: *blinks*

(I hung up, disgusted)

 

Him: Bet you’ve never been with a real man before.

Me: No, but you sound like you have.

(He hung up, I’m always too late when it really matters!)

 

Him: What’s your dress size?

Me: How is that relevant to anything?

Him: Cos I’m looking for a real woman, who can satisfy me.

(I hung up)

 

Him: I’m fairer than you.

Me: Ohhhhkaaaay.

 

Him: I would like to make you bleed.

Me: Koota, zaleel, haraam zaada!!! F*CK OFF, I hope you get anally raped.

(I hung up)

 

I’m too tired to recall any more, but I’m sure they will come to me…

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~ by Honest Waffle on 14/10/2009.

9 Responses to “Snippets”

  1. This is hilarious and so sad at the same time

  2. Mash – I find it funny now, thankfully. Sad yes, what’s sadder is that nothing shocks me anymore, I’ve heard it all.

  3. My word, these people sound like complete nutters! Wonder if there’s anyone out there stupid enough to fall for them. At least you have some pretty intresting stories to tell 😛 Hopefully, Mr Right is out there somewhere, just taking his time because he believes he has to arrive on a white horse! I pray that he finds u soon 🙂

  4. I’m reminded of this post

    http://thatmashguy.blogspot.com/2009/01/gtkoaooob.html

    some of these idiots should read it

  5. I can’t believe you’ve been on the brunt of all that! One or two stories maybe, but all that? Amazing. I’m quite lucky in that I’ve don’t really have any horror stories (of the equivalent man type), so I’m always in awe of those who do.

    I must admit I have asked a hijabi her bra size though. In my defence she wasn’t a potential rishta, and I was within slapping distance. I think I got away with it.

    • Shak – I’ve been searching too long, and Wallah I’m not making any of it up.

      Why would you want to know a girls bra size? Why can’t guys just take a guess, or ask for a full length picture? :-p

      If somebody wanted to have a normal adult conversation, where the subject came up, I would probably answer. Not where they are being a pervo.

      • Why? I dunno. The same reason a girl might ask how much a guy earns. We all have the things we think important. I guess diplomacy rather than content is the issue here.

  6. Shak – Diplomacy is the key. That’s why I stopped asking guys their shoe sizes…

  7. sorry to laugh at your misfortune, but these are hilarious! so to make myslf feel better, ill give u a couple of mine from someone who was intro’d to me:

    him: how tall are you?
    me: 5’8
    him: wow ur huge
    me: yes, and i like my heels
    him: all i know about tall girls is that they have to get c-sections when they have babies
    me: and you are worried about this because?
    him: well, i mean its something to think about. i mean sure it keeps everything nice down there, but then you have a scar. its definitely something i have to think about

    him: i want to let you know i haven’t been innocent
    me: ok
    him: ive lost my prized posession
    me: never say that to anygirl ever again
    him: why
    me: it makes you sound gay.

    haha enjoy! i really enjoy your blogposts, very relateable 🙂

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