Random Ramble

I’m sitting here typing this because I’ve got all these jumbled up things in my head so I figured this was a good time to get them down lest I forget them.

Last night I was out with a friend for dinner. She leaves in a couple of days to go to Pakistan to get married Inshallah. This is her second marriage, her first one failed supposedly as her husband was having an affair. (I say supposedly because nobody ever knows what the true story is do they?) The guy is younger than her, and says he can’t wait to come to the UK, he is currently working in Dubai…Anyways I had to listen to her tell me to ‘stop messing about, and to find someone and get married’. I am trying, and I told her that I would rather get it right once. I would rather be single than divorced, again I have nothing against divorcees, I just want to go through the whole wedding shebang once thanks very much.  She put on weight after her first wedding, and her husband would drop her hints, but she would always say he’s just teasing me. I’m not sure that’s what put a strain on their marriage, but Im sure it couldn’t have helped. I think physical attraction is important…you know that joke about married women come home see what’s in bed and go to the fridge,  and married men come home see what’s in the fridge and go to bed…or is it the other way around?

I find it strange that unattractive men reject me on my appearance. When I say unattractive I am not being subjective, I am honestly telling you that they are not nice looking people. I would have thought they need my genes at least for their kids? Just goes to show that everybody still has standards, even if they look like the back end of a bus.

Whenever my girlfriends are engaged/fixed, I always find it amusing that they think about buying their lingerie first, and it’s usually one of the initial purchases too. The dress details and make up comes later.

I was reading somebody’s blog/note and they said it’s important they have a wife who is wild in the bedroom. That’s cool…but if I was to say that I would get lambasted for being so upfront and labelled with horrid names (I mean husband for me, not a wife) Even though we have the whole desire split into ten parts rule 9:1 for women to men. I may wear a headscarf, but I’m not dead.

I won’t marry somebody who doesn’t read. Ever.

Which reminds me I have about a dozen books I need to finish reading, except I think I will have to restart them because it’s been a while.

shaadi dot com etc are horrible experiences, and I wouldn’t wish them on anyone. The problem is I’m constantly reminded of the fact that I’m getting on, and there isn’t a line of suitors beating a path to my door. Whilst I get tired of it and then don’t log on for a while, there isn’t really much else going on, so I figure I should continue to make the effort. Time isn’t on my side as EVERYBODY likes to point out to me. Marriage is only a Sunnah though, it’s not Farz. People forget that, we get caught up in all this cultural nonsense. I secretly wish that if my parents accepted it, I would be a lot happier and could just relax and take life as it comes (in terms of marriage anyway)

One of my oldest and dearest friends got married this weekend, she is almost 39 and had as good as given up. She agreed to the match almost 4 weeks ago, and still can’t believe it all happened so quickly. I love her, she is one of the nicest people to walk this earth, I wish her much joy and good times.

I truly believe that you can live vicariously through somebody else’s happiness.

One of my friends, her brother got married two weeks ago. He is quite religious and he is about 26. His wife is 39. His parents were dead against the match, but he kept arguing that the Prophet SAW married an older woman. They agreed, but made him leave home. They gave their other daughters wedding outfit for her to wear on the walima. To be fair she doesn’t actually look her age at all. I guess there is hope for all of us then. I wonder what she was thinking when she said yes…Maybe there weren’t any other compatible suitors her age? maybe she had a 45-year-old dude, and she did the maths and figured that 26 goes into 39 a lot more than 45 does.

I would marry somebody up to 4 years younger and as for maximum age, maybe up to 8 years older. In any case it’s about mentality and wavelength. I don’t want somebody who acts like my Grandad. I won’t say my Dad because he doesn’t always act his age either.

I think I’m done for now.


~ by Honest Waffle on 18/10/2009.

6 Responses to “Random Ramble”

  1. HW, its quite sad how people are almost exclusively focused on what they will take from marriage and give almost no consideration to what they have to offer. There are too many out there who have expectations and demands as thick as the phone book but when it comes to what they have to offer they think you should be satisfied to be graced by their mere presence. Even fewer are those who understand that giving, not taking, is the path to receiving. You are right not to settle.

  2. Incidentally, there’s maths powering a broad social norm that lets you know how young/old you ought to marry called the half plus seven rule.

  3. i am awesome 🙂

  4. AF – Thanks. I intend not to Inshallah.

    Irfaan – So they just made it. Social norms aside, it’s a pity the parents weren’t up for it. Though I have to tell you when I saw the wedding pics, I thought it was the girls Grandparents posing with her for pics. until it was pointed out that it was her Mother and Father. Ouch.

    MJ – Indeed you are 😉

  5. >maybe she had a 45-year-old dude, and she did the maths and figured that 26 goes into 39 a lot more than 45 does.

    At risk of being banned from your blog: *snigger*.

  6. Shak – *slap* I would want a stud too if I was almost 40.

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