Hijaab and high heels

What is it with guys and hijaab? Anyone would think I’m offering to castrate them, judging by the utter horror some of them show when they learn I wear hijaab. I also find it extremely insulting to be asked if I would take it off if my husband asked me.

Why in the name of God would I marry such person if I honestly thought he was going to suggest such a thing?

I get that it’s not some peoples bag. Yes I know it’s your prerogative to choose to marry whomever you wish, and you can have your tickboxes and wishlists. Yes I know that you are a modern man, who describes himself as ‘moderate’. (The rejections are from both online contacts and also through the traditional risha route)

But to write me off on my headscarf? Really?

Some of the excuses;

 ‘I want a wife who will be able to do water-sports with me, someone who will wear a bikini’.

‘Yeah I pray 5 times a day, but I think a hijaabi wife is just too much, it sends the message that I’m strict’

‘Hijaab makes me uncomfortable’

‘Hijaab is too much Islam for me’

‘I want to be able to run my hands through my wife’s hair’

‘I don’t want to marry somebody who wears their religion on their sleeve’

‘I want a wife who will look good for me’

‘Nobody in my family wears hijaab’

‘I want to be able to take my wife out to places’

and so forth.

I want to bang my head off a brick wall. And yes I console myself that it’s their loss, that they miss out on the fabulousness that is me. Even so, I’m tired of this, I really am.

To further add insult to injury, some of the dorks find it surprising that I wear high heels, and I have co-ordinated hijaabs,  not just black ones, that God forbid I actually look nice.

It’s not my looks, I’m not a drop dead gorgeous hottie, but I’ve not been hit with the ugly stick either. Although beauty is subjective, I don’t expect to be everybody’s type. To be fair though, there are guys out there who aren’t able to give a straight answer, so tend to fall back on the hijaab issue, because they simply don’t want to say anything else, and spare my feelings.

I think it’s a problem with our home-grown desi boys, they are quickest to judge and write off  hijaabis…I’m sure a lot of this has to do with some negative experiences too…Why doesn’t it seem an issue for the non-Muslim non-desi boys? or even the overseas guys?

A while ago, one of my friends suggested I should go see her for a weekend, where we could go out, and I should take off the hijaab and tart up. My response to that was for her to p*ss off and not to dare insult me again.

I am a person with many layers, but hardly anybody gets to scratch the surface.

I wish people would see past my appearance, I have a personality and I’m not afraid to use it.


~ by Honest Waffle on 26/10/2009.

8 Responses to “Hijaab and high heels”

  1. ‘I want a wife who will look good for me’: Isn’t that the WHOLE point of wearing hijaab?? So that you don’t flaunt your beauty to the rest of society and look good for just your husband?

    ‘I want to be able to take my wife out to places’: Who said that just because you wear hijaab you are confined to your home? Hijaabi’s can go on dates with their husbands!

    ‘I want to be able to run my hands through my wife’s hair’: HOMIE…do that in the privacy of your own home…no one in public wants to see you do that anyway.

    Subhan’Allah…sorry you have to deal with men like this. Its actually quite the opposite in the states…or at least where I am. A brother who looks for a non-hijaabi will not approach a hijabi for marriage…and vice versa.

  2. HB – I think guys just like to dip their toes into the water, regardless of whether they are fishing or not.

  3. There’s some right fucking idiots out there isn’t there. As for your friend lol that really made me laugh.

  4. OK so I not as clued up with regard to what is permitted ito what a hubby can tell a wife to do and what not to do. I know a wife should dress modestly, and well as for asking someone to remove the hijab I would think is micro managing and I cant see the point. I think you need to develop an insecurity test for men you meet. Online and other. Because I think that if you are going to micro manage how an adult dresses there are deep mommy and daddy issues

    What you will find is men that behave like pratts often had incidents of late night creepy uncle visits. We should pray for them in the hope they mature before the latch onto some unsuspecting woman.

    What if I get married to someone and they expect me to tell them how to dress.

    *look of confusion*

    Who dressed you before you married me?

    I shudder at the answer.

  5. I can’t imagine what inclines a person to think they have the right to tell another grown up adult what to wear ot not to wear. I think there are too many people with not enough to do.

  6. Mash – At least you found it amusing, I was so bloody insulted by her idea. Equally though, there must be a group of women for whom this strategy works…one of my friends met her now fiancee in a nightclub when she was wearing her ‘immodest wardrobe’ It’s just not my cup of tea, I would rather marry a goat.

    As for idiots..perhaps…I’m repeatedly told that people can choose to reject you on whatever they wish to, even if it’s stupid, but it’s their right. I just find it frustrating, guys probably do want trophy wives etc. Like I said before it’s their loss. they just can’t see past it, once you’re put in the hijaabi box, you can’t get out of it.

    Let’s not forget those guys that say, well would you at least think about taking it off? Don’t you think there is a possibility you may feel differently after marriage? You may want to remove it?

    WTF man.

  7. HHP – Islamically a husband shouldn’t ask them to do anything that goes against their deen. eg to miss a prayer, or break a (Farz) fast, or to wear a clingfilm dress in public.

    With regards to asking a partner how they should dress, well I think it depends…The whole idea of beautifying yourself for your partner is noble and rewarded Subhan’Allah. Donning something which you know they like and enjoy seeing you in…I’m sure this would be useful, if you accidently spent the housekeeping on new shoes. I mean if I knew my man likes me to wear polyester shell suits, then I would do that to float his boat, but asking your husband to dictate how you dress generally doesn’t sound like a recipe for a sound marriage. And that you lack confidence.

    AF – Agreed. I’m sure it’s mostly just a power trip.

  8. I don’t get why some see wearing high heels as wrong, & incompatible with hijab. In SA, I mostly wear heels, but here in Egypt, due to walking alot, & uneven road surfaces, I don’t.

    I hate being in a ‘hijabi box’ too, & I definitely want to marry a guy who likes me with hijab. I’ve had non-Muslim guys fall for me in hijab, so I can’t understand how Muslim guys can be so intolerant

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