I found one

A virgin that is.

He was 39 and a lawyer, a shaadi dot commie who initiated contact with me. He added me on MSN (which again, is the worst medium for communicating to a potential partner)

We had some polite conversation, asking about work and family etc.

He asked if I was a virgin, I said yes. (He said that’s good, and he also was a virgin and was waiting for marriage)

He asked if I swore, I said sometimes.

He asked if I tried shisha, I said yes.

He asked if I smoke shisha, I said maybe a few times a year if that, but I wouldn’t call it a habit.

Had some mundane chat, and then I said I was going to go, and if he wanted to communicate further to feel free to drop me an email. Yes I look forward to it he said.

He did indeed get in touch with me…he emailed me to tell me I wasn’t compatible with him. He said I don’t want to marry somebody who has ever tried shisha, or marry somebody who swears.

The truth does indeed set you free.

I want to say something about hymens, and pipes and mouths, but I won’t.

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~ by Honest Waffle on 12/11/2009.

29 Responses to “I found one”

  1. email him agin

  2. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ok, so like where is this dude from? Mongolia? Geez.

  3. I’m hardly a social recluse but someone who smoked anything, no matter how rarely, would deffo put me off too. And I think it’s reasonable for someone to decline another ‘cos they swear, even when that someone being rejected was me (I have the mouth of a sailor at times).

    Tbh I think you’re being a tad unfair. This guy seemed respectful, polite, direct and honest and very unlike the others you talk about on this blog. Those things are nothing to complain about really.

  4. This guy sounds a bit too good to be true but hey I guess it takes all types to make up this world.

    At least he knows what he wants I dont know if he will find her though

  5. >At least he knows what he wants I dont know if he will find her though

    I don’t think a virgin who doesn’t swear or smoke is particularly difficult to find. I personally know both guys and girls who fill that specific criteria quite easily.

  6. 39 year old virgin. big deal!

    Im a 27 year old virgin, and im hot! Now thats self control and modesty 😀

  7. Mash – Why for?

    Shak – I’m not trying to be unfair, I was merely stating what heppened. It was a pity I didn’t tick all of his boxes. And in my years of shaadi dot com’ing that is the only guy I have came across who has told me he was a virgin, everybody else is quite upfront about their past. It was almost like hitting the jackpot.

  8. Oh sorry. I’ve obviously read it the wrong way.

    I think Mash is right. Mail him back. Especially if you’re willing to change your smoking and swearing habits.

  9. Shak – Nah, it was a while ago, I don;t want him to think I’m desperate…not till after my birthday anyway. I think I was more put out that I was being honest, and I could have lied about it and I didn’t.

  10. That’s a shame, although you wouldn’t appear desperate if you mailed him back (and if he thinks you are, then he’s not worth the bother – win win).

    Um. Well done to both of you for being honest.

  11. because it seems like little things that he said no for. I think it’s worth trying to change his mind. email him!

    I smoked for 15years on and off and I get really put off by girls that smoke. though at the same time it can be kinda sexy. Lauran Bacall sexy. Shisha wouldn’t put me off though so long as she isn’t doing it every day. I smoke shisha maybe once or twice a month at best. Hypocrisy? I dunno.

  12. Lots of girls don’t practice or don’t work but want a guy who does. It’s not hypocritical, we’re allowed to ask of others what we don’t have ourselves. And that even stretches to more sensitive things like virginity. For me, I can’t/won’t cook for crap but totally expect my wife to.

    Of course we’re all also free to say no to someone with criteria we’re uncomfortable with.

  13. Azra – From London.

    Mash – But even if they are little things, they may be important to him? and he feels strongly enough to reject me on them? I will email him though…watch this space.

    Shak – I guess it depends on your reasoning, and in terms of virginity, I would like to hear a compelling argument. What’s good for the goose…

  14. >and in terms of virginity, I would like to hear a compelling argument.

    Well that’s easy. The person in question could have reformed, could be a divorcee or widow(er), or just been in a serious relationship where they thought sex was appropriate. Such a person might not be a virgin themselves but would still value it in someone who hadn’t been in the same situations.

    But aside from that the point is that they don’t have to give a compelling argument. A stud player who has a different girl in his bed each night also has a full and whole right to ask for a virgin to marry, and further to not be criticised for having that requirement or even have to justify it to anyone including the person they’re talking to.

    The point is that the person has an equally full right to tell him to bugger off too. The only real problem in this situation is if she mopes around afterwards, complaining about how this guy sucked and how life in general isn’t fair. Why waste braincells on a guy she’s never going to marry anyway?

  15. Shak – Apologies, I’m very new to this, and I realise I must make myself clearer, and that you aren’t a mind reader. I think in my earlier post I had said that a potentia partners past doesn’t bother me, just the issue of possible stds. Re compelling argument, well yes I would like a reason for why it’s so important to them, other than ‘I would like to make you bleed’, and yes I know they can ask for what they like, but equally I can ask for reasons in return?
    Spookily though, the things you just mentioned I was thinking about writing about next.

  16. lol @ ‘I would like to make you bleed’ sounds like a line from an Arnie movie.

    In regards to Shak’s, personally I think the problem would be that more often than not it’s guys expecting virginity from women whilst being sluts themselves and girls just lying about being a virgin. Whichever way you slice it, it’s going to lead to people lying.

    Better to not ask.

  17. Why would you marry someone who you think is lying to you? You should ask anything provided it’s important to you.

  18. how can you ever know that someone is telling the truth about something like that?

    if it’s a girl… the proof is in the pudding as it were and you won’t know that until you’re married.

    if it’s a guy there’s no way of knowing.

    I just think most girls would lie if they weren’t virgins. I guess you would only ask if it’s important to you though and if they think it’s important to you they are more likely to lie.

  19. id marry someone who isnt a virgin, but i wouldnt marry a smoker

  20. if it’s a girl… the proof is in the pudding as it were and you won’t know that until you’re married. >>>> That’s a common and unfortunate misunderstanding. Just because a woman doesn’t bleed doesn’t mean she’s not a virgin. There are many ways to lose a hymen…it would serve men to become educated on the matter.

  21. I find it amazing that men seem to think that they know about the tissues in a woman’s body that a woman knows herself….go read a medical book!

    • A medical book written by a woman in order to cover her ass most likely. It’s funny how popular horseriding has become with Muslim women over the last ten years…

    • What’s a medical book got to do with it?

      I remember reading some book or article once that said in some cultures – on the wedding night they make a point of proving the virginity – usually via the guy coming out and publicly displaying a bloodied towel/rag post-copulation – it works two ways.

      One it upholds the honour and respect of the woman and two it serves to show that the bloke is a real man etc. Proper!

      This whole lost hymen business is just a front, urban legend, how many people go horse riding?

      anyways more to the point, it’s only a big deal if you make it a big deal.

  22. @ MJ – What should you do if your wife starts smoking? Use a lubricant and slow down.

    Seriously though, virginity can be lost due to horseriding, heavy periods, exercise, jumping, smear tests?, and err ageing in general. The bleeding doesn’t happen to everybody. Besides, losing your virginity in the manner above must be different to having sex?, I don’t know if guys really can tell, or girls can fake it. The main issue is trust, and like Mash says making a deal out of it. Yes girls do lie, I know girls who have lied, and I personally don’t think that’s a good start to a relationship/marriage. Like so many pre-marriage issues, girls feel they have to give the right answer.

  23. >What should you do if your wife starts smoking? Use a lubricant and slow down.

    Awesome.

    >Like so many pre-marriage issues, girls feel they have to give the right answer.

    You have this uncanny ability to blame others to justify the bad things that girls find they “have to do”. Personally I’d rank honesty miles above virginity, although admittedly that depends on the circumstances.

    I just find your implication of how easily women will lie in order to start a relationship pretty amazing and quite depressing. In my experience it’s totally the other way around: women have stuck to their guns (sometimes to the point of actually misrepresenting themselves) and let the guy walk away (if not having done so themselves first). I’m really starting to believe that Scotland is a totally different world to London.

  24. Shak – I didn’t realise I was coming across that way, that i am blaming anybody. Girls feel they ‘have to do’ things for a variety of reasons. I don’t think lying is acceptable, for any reason at all. It’s not an impication, I have first-hand experience of it, and yes I agree it’s depressing but if that is the way they wish to conduct themselves then so be it. May I also just point out that these girls are predominantly from England…Yorkshire, the Midlands and a bunch of Londoners. Equally though I have a whole load of friends who like me, value honesty above everthing else, and are still searching for the one. I just haven’t said anything about them.

  25. Maybe I’ve just been (un?)lucky then. From the conversations I’ve had during hookups it’s pretty clear the girls aren’t just telling me what I want to hear. In some cases it’s quite the opposite 😀

  26. Shak – Perhaps!

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