I’ll get it

The bill that is, after a potential partner meet up.

I never expect guys to pay, ever. But I’m always pleasantly surprised when they do. I usually say at the beginning ‘let’s go dutch’, just to get it out of the way. Some guys will insist on paying…if he says it a third time I will let him, and offer to leave a tip, or I make a point of getting it the next time, no arguments.

Also, when I meet a guy, I’m careful about not choosing an expensive high-end eatery. I don’t think it’s fair, as you don’t know what somebody can afford, I think 10-15 pounds per head is reasonable. Posh places are for the 3rd meeting onwards.

So. I met a guy a while ago. He was actually based near Manchester, about 20 mins away by car. We had chatted a few times, and as I was going to be in Manchester in a few weeks time to see family, I mentioned this, and said that if we were still chatting we could meet for coffee (or hot chocolate in my case. I don’t really drink coffee, and I’ve never had tea. I do like cold milk though, with a sprinkling of cinnamon)

So I was there, and he got in touch and wanted to meet. Our family weren’t staying far from Wilmslow Road…home to most of Manchester’s curry houses. I said I had already eaten, so it really was going to be a drink and nothing more on my part.

I arrived, and we went into a restaurant, I thought we would just have coffee and cake. I actually had an orange juice, as I was so full, that even a hot chocolate would be pushing it. He said he was peckish, so he ordered a mixed grill, and a drink. We chatted for a bit, the conversation was ok. Anyway, after he had finished and had dessert too, we asked for the bill. I don’t even know why I picked it up, as that’s what got me into bother the last time. He said ‘I think you should pay, it should be your treat’. I said ‘and why is that?’ He replied ‘because I was driving for 20 mins, and you were just down the road’.

I didn’t want to point out that I had actually driven for 4 hours the previous evening to get to Manchester.

So I smiled, and said ‘that’s fine’, and I paid up. We said our goodbyes, he didn’t offer to walk me to my car, and that was that.

The next day he text me to ask if we could meet again, and I said I didn’t think we were going to be compatible.

When I returned home we had an MSN chat where I explained I couldn’t possibly marry a man who let me pay for his meal. He said I was being petty and I would change my mind.

He still emails me every so often to ask me if I’ve changed my mind.

I know it’s petty, but frankly I don’t really care. Sometimes the really little things annoy me, depending on my mood. I thought he was being a jerk, and initially I thought he was joking. It’s not about the money at all, if he was a gentleman he would have at least offered to pay for his share, which by the way was about 90% of the total.

The other time I met somebody who was a recommendation from a friend. He was a Lawyer from nearby, and he suggested an expensive restaurant in town. Now, I suppose it was silly of me to assume that as he had suggested the place, he would be paying. (My cheap eats rule above?)

I had a drink and a main course. He had drinks, and two starters and a main, and a dessert. I couldn’t really go all out,I was a bit nervous, and I still had to act like a lady (which is why Nando’s is never a first date option)

Anyway, after the meal he asked for the bill, and when it arrived it just sat there. And the longer it sat there, I kept thinking about it, and the more I thought about it, the more awkward I felt. So I reached over for it, and then I reached down for my bag, and took out my purse. He just watched me the whole time. I wondered if he was actually going to say anything at all.

He didn’t. And after what seemed like ages, but in reality must have only been about 8 seconds, I said ‘ I’ll get this’ and he said ‘Oh ok, thanks’. I waved at the waitress so I could pay. It was a stupid amount of money, but I consider it a small price to pay, for not marrying the idiot.

He told my mutual friend afterwards that he thought I was good company etc. I told her he wasn’t my type, and that I wasn’t interested in seeing him again. She didn’t set me up with anybody else after that.


~ by Honest Waffle on 26/11/2009.

10 Responses to “I’ll get it”

  1. Cheap men are the worst, its improper of them not to pay especially if its a meet up scenario- you’d think they’d fall over themselves trying to get to the bill first in a bid to impress!

  2. Sumera – I hope all guys who do this get a squirty bum after their meals. Ameen.

  3. Sumera – define ‘Cheap’ – it’s easy for a guy to get taken for a ride by girl just wanting to use and abuse. I think it’s good to be cautious.

    As for impressing a girl. Why is paying for a chick considered to be something you have to do to impress her? If I felt I had to ‘impress’ some girl.. I wouldn’t bother with her. If being me isn’t enough then what’s the point of acting up for her? Too many chicks have this princess mentality where they seem to think the guy has to ‘entertain’. They’re all a waste of time.

    I say that because I don’t think paying is a big deal.. but she has to be worth it. The last few times I went for a meal with a girl I paid for the meal and she got coffee and cake afterwards.

    As HW said.. if you’re going out it’s easy to find a decent place that is a little classy and isn’t expensive.

    on the flipside a couple of years back a girl asked me out decided on a stupidly expensive moroccan restaurant on edgware Rd.. the final bill was £60+ I stuck £20 down and then she said she would pay the rest.. and I let her!

  4. Apparently chivalry is pretty much dead. I’d be fine with splitting the bill but those guys sound like complete losers!

  5. i think the guy who made you pay for his entire meal and keeps emailing you tried out this “new technique” of getting a g irl. he was “testing” you to see if you’d pay the bill coz obviously (like mash) he’s had loads of bad experiences with girls who’ve been taken for a ride and he’s got a bit of a chip on his shoulder – which suddenly becomes your burden to bear when you meet him.

    If he’s not intersting then bugger it, listen to your gut!


  6. I think guys should pay all the time, if not the majority of times and especially at the start. But I also think that women should do all the cooking and cleaning, so perhaps I’m more misogynist than gentleman. And I’ll be steering well clear of anyone who feels chivalry equates to having a deep wallet. I hate to break it to you, Closet, but the former doesn’t cost a thing.

    There are rare exceptions: if the date is a luxury (read: expensive) and quite unnecessary (parachuting, although cool and possibly romantic, shouldn’t be the financial burden of just the guy) then I think some kinda of split is justified, especially if she was the main driver behind spending that much in the fist place. Oh and I’ll always cede the bill to a girl who repeatedly insists on paying – funnily enough some make you feel like you’re insulting, or even repressing, them if you even suggest paying for the whole thing. Crazy feminists. A girl who goes out of her way to pay is almost as bad as one who forgets to say thank you.

    >Cheap men are the worst, its improper of them not to pay especially if its a meet up scenario- you’d think they’d fall over themselves trying to get to the bill first in a bid to impress!

    I wholeheartedly agree. In fact I myself am impressed by hot bods and good looks, so if a girl isn’t showing a bit of leg or cleavage then I find that equally improper; they’re clearly not making an effort. Of course they don’t have to put out until the third date or so (you know, once they’re comfortable enough to require me to pay for a posh restaurant bill).

    Oh and just so we’re clear those first two paragraphs are serious while the third one is ironic. Cheers.

  7. Shak – I agree with chivalry counting for much more than just paying for dinner. I’m more touched by guys who offer to walk me to my car, or who ask Me to drop them a text when I reach home. And your exceptions are justified.

  8. Like I said on Mash’s post concerning the same thing: I prefer to go dutch and don’t mind paying if I initiate the meeting. But I would think it very rude if he tells me to pay for him. Then he’d get said coffee/whatever-he’s-drinking sloshed all over his head 😉

  9. Ok maybe its just me, but I never like anyone paying for me. Which is odd considering I am gainfully unemployed and the bank balance is looking thinner than Shawn Michael’s hair (yes I am a WWE fan) but its just habit to pay for a meet. I mean it doesnt have to be a meet and greet with a prospective uglies bumper, it could just be a friend, I feel some sort of socialised guilt if I let the lady pay. And they will say are you sure and I will say, I wouldnt have flashed the cash if I wasnt. I suppose its an indication. I mean what do you want in a man, some women would be loathed to let him pay, its sexist they say, some women feel it shows that a man can take care of her.

    I don’t know the politics of it. Just we were brought up, possibly the old fashioned way. I see both sides and both arguments are valid.

  10. It’s rude of women to just expect the guy to pay, & likewise, it’s thoroughly rude for a guy to expect the woman to pay.

    I’ve mostly had guys pay, though. As Shak said, it’s off-putting when a woman protests too much, so while I’ll make an effort to pay, I won’t be a ‘crazy feminist’

    I’ve met up with many people (male & female) visiting Egypt in the past year, & I’ve paid for at least one meal out. Small treats are enjoyable to both parties.

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