I’ll be right back

About ten years ago, a family friend’s daughter was getting married. Both sets of parents had met whilst on Hajj and got to chatting and discovered they both had unwed children, of a marriageable and similar age.

So the rishta happened. The groom was a doctor in a different city, about 3 hours away. The girl was a professional too.

The wedding was arranged. It was the last daughter to get married, no expense was spared. It was held in a big posh hotel.

So the day of the wedding the groom’s party is late. Like really late, like just over two hours late. People are grumbling because they’re hungry and tired from standing around.

They finally arrive, they said they had car trouble. The Nikah is rushed through, people are served food, and as expected the guests all leave quite soon.

So the bride and groom are sent off to their hotel suite. To be married and get on with it.

The groom leaves the suite to go and get something. And the bride waits for him.

And she waits.

And waits some more.

And then realizes that he isn’t coming back.

She rang her brother, who tries to ring the groom’s mobile which is switched off.

Brother comes to the hotel to find the groom, no luck.

Brother takes the bride home, who by now is in a bit of a state.

The girl’s parents ring the groom’s parents demanding an explanation, and of course very surprised that their daughter is at home.

It turns out the boy never wanted to get married, he was seeing somebody in his home town who was non-muslim and he thought his parents would never approve. He initially agreed to the marriage but obviously changed his mind. The reason why they were so late to the wedding was that he refused to attend it, they spent two hours convincing him to go through with it, to save the reputation of the girl’s family, to not humiliate them publicly. He was essentially coerced into attending the ceremony, and did a runner at the first opportunity.

The thing is though, what is worse?

Being jilted at the Nikah table, or being abandoned in a hotel suite?. Some would say it would be better not to be married at all rather than having the stigma of divorce (yes I know it’s small minded, but that’s how some saw it. ‘It doesn’t matter that they weren’t together. She was still married, and now she’s not, she has been stained’) But that’s people for you, stupid people.

Only a handful of people know what actually happened.

The guy was a coward, who really should have stood up to his parents and said no, and what he did was terrible.

The girl was so upset and hurt by what had happened, she simply refused to entertain any suitors. She understandably felt she couldn’t trust anybody ever again.

I’m pleased to say she got married about six weeks ago, and is happy. Insanely happy.

Can I just say that if that ever happened to me, on my wedding night…just when I think I’m finally going to have sexy time after waiting for what feels like FOREVER.

Somebody would die, really really painfully and slowly.

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~ by Honest Waffle on 20/09/2010.

5 Responses to “I’ll be right back”

  1. I am the guy he should have been.
    I stood up.
    Sadly, I do not live a happy life. At least not a happy life where my parents/family are concerned. They hate me. And I get the blame for every wrong that happens in the world.
    Yes I stand by my decision, despite the fact that I had different reasons from the one that were mentioned here to say no… but at least I did.
    And the best bit is, I have to live with the guilt of something I never wanted to happen, never planned.
    Rant over… but that is the point, sometimes these decisions are made for us. And no matter what you do, you suffer. Whether you suffer for being the one who stood out.. or the one who was the coward!

  2. Ah cultural practices… if people followed Islam instead of Culture, these things wouldn’t happen. I’m happy that she finally met someone else. And I’m so with you, at least 5 people will die if that was me.

  3. but you do die… i know i did…

  4. @smacula:

    by the way,i found your blog from a link in your post on the guardian website about inter-racial dating, which i found fascinating.

    Anyway, much respect to smacula, because sometimes making the right and honourable decision in life doesn’t bring you happiness, perhaps misery.
    Unfortunately, for many british muslims there is a massive gulf in values and outlook with our family. at the same time, we are generally extremely close to family, almost wedded to them. this makes the separation from them when the shit hits the fan even more painful. it’s difficult thinking that your life might be better if you see less of the people that you love and have such an intense relationship with. where do u go on weekends? whose gonna call u to see if your gonna buy ladoo from sanams before your coming home for a family event. i hope it’s an anguish that just this generation has to bear, but i fear otherwise!

  5. Lol, well perhaps I did go a bit melodramatic there! The thing is, we have a need to hold onto our sorrows rather than our happinesses, our failures rather than our successes, our weaknesses rather than our strengths. We do not want to learn the lesson and move on, we’d rather just cry over the failure!

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