The boy buddy

Can men and women be just friends?

I think it’s possible if it’s a genuine friendship, chaste and has no hidden agendas.

But what if one party declares they have feelings, and the other doesn’t want to reciprocate?

They care for them, perhaps even love them, but just not in that way.

Can a friendship ever recover from such an admission? If one party makes it clear that there can be nothing more, can you really just switch off and put away those feelings?

Ignorance really is bliss.




~ by Honest Waffle on 29/12/2010.

7 Responses to “The boy buddy”

  1. It can, but there’s that vey thin wall that will remain…. more from wariness, I think.

  2. when harry met sally….
    i remember billy crystal saying that it was only possible to be friends if they found each other physically repulsive:)

  3. Only if there are sufficient barriers…. Being friends but
    not in that way is a very girl thing.

  4. >I think it’s possible if it’s a genuine friendship, chaste and has no hidden agendas.

    In maths, that’s what we call a tautology. “The can be friends if they can be friends”. The question you then have to ask is if it’s possible to have a genuine friendship, be chaste and have no hidden agendas with the opposite gender.

    Personally I don’t think it is. As long as a potential is there, then an awareness of that potential is too. That’s not to say that this is a bad thing though, since you can have the exact same insecurities (except perhaps not ones of a sexual nature) with friends of the same gender or even other relationships (familial or professional, for example).

    Your second question is more interesting. I think real friends can tell each other anything, and further can recover from it too. In that sense, if such a disclosure is powerful enough to wreck a friendship, well in my opinion it was probably superficial anyway.

  5. Shak: Real friends may admit things, and what if the head recovers but the heart doesn’t?
    You hear many stories where a good friendship has been ruined, because one person declares how they feel, professes love, and can’t live without you, whereas the other simply isn’t on that level, nor thinks they ever can be.
    Maybe not enough to wreck a relationship, but it must be awkward at the very least.
    Perhaps it’s just easier to let the friendship fade a little, and to dilute the relationship?
    For me it’s a case of feeling that you can’t then share certain things with your friend. I would hardly think he would want to hear how you’ve met the most fabulous man, and you want to have his babies.

  6. I’ll say it again. If your friendship can’t take it, then it wasn’t that strong to begin with. Awkwardness is a state of mind and not something that happens by default. I guess maturity and keeping things real helps too, but I think most friendships nowadays are fickle, shallow and, in your various examples, conditional anyway.

    • Shak – That’s a very calculated stance to take….as if feeling don’t come into it at all. Aside from parents and siblings all relationships are conditional anyway.

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