Jellybeans

•28/12/2010 • 4 Comments

I’m not having the best time at the moment.

Standing up for your principles, and keeping a dignified silence in spite of what the other party spouts…It gets you nowhere, and it also tells you that people take sides very quickly. Or they just listen to whoever speaks the loudest. Or maybe they’re bored.

Trying to rise above it all counts for crap, trying to be the better person means nothing. It really is a free for all/everyone for themselves.

Some girls are gossip whores, and telling them in the nicest way possible that ‘I’d rather not say anything, as it has nothing to do with you, nor do I wish to cast aspersions on so and so’. This merely sends them in the opposite direction like vultures with wooden spoons.

And this has left me feeling a bit lonely at the moment, and somewhat disappointed.

Boys don’t bitch. I’m very grateful this weekend for my male friends who have provided welcome and nonsensical distraction.

I randomly called the post ‘jellybeans’, because I figured it was better than ‘I feel really crap today and I hate pretending to be normal and I ate too much chocolate’.

 

 

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Hijaabis prefer gentlemen

•05/12/2010 • 9 Comments

(As do all women I’m sure, I just couldn’t think of a title)

I was reading another post which reminded me of my own past experience.

The blogger was saying that she felt miffed about her OH not staying on the phone with her until she got home. She said it was about seven minutes walk, and he went off the phone at five.

Anyway. Many years ago I was seeing a guy for shaadi purposes, things had been going well, except we’d had a falling out over something or another. I can’t recall now what it was. He said he was going to come to Edinburgh to see me to sort it out.

He did come. With his hot female friend in tow which really, really wound me up. He said he needed company for the six hour drive. Fair enough I thought, I’m open-minded and can see they’re just friends. (*spits*)

Anyway, it was during the festival fringe, and there was a group of five of us in total, and at the end of a very long evening, I asked if he would drive me to the car park where I had left my car. It was almost 5am by this point. He took me there, and stopped the car about ten yards away from it. I asked if he wouldn’t mind driving me in as it was on the 5th storey.He said, ‘but I’m going to have to pay to get out.’

I think the look on my face said it all.

I opened the door, and he said I’ll take you, and I slammed his door shut and went off by myself. It was too late, the damage was done.

That was the last straw for me. I was so hurt that he couldn’t care about my safety, yes fine it was only a car park, but it’s known to be frequented by junkies, and I hadn’t intended to be staying out so long. And in any case, I thought he would be with me so I’d be ok.

I was so disappointed.

I have friends who walk me to my car when we’re out, and get me to text when I arrive home. I drop off friends to their door, and wait till they’re inside before driving away. My best male friend will text me if he knows I’m out late to see if I’ve got home okay, and he lives in another continent.

And yet this guy who supposedly ‘cared’ for me? Who wanted marriage (I’d even spoken to his Mum)

What’s done is done, but did I expect too much?

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Don’t worry darling…

•02/12/2010 • 7 Comments

…just put my testicles in your purse.

I’m merely wondering  how a certain guy I know has let his life be hijacked by his wife. Perhaps that’s a strong word, but she is a bit overbearing.

It started a couple of years ago, and whilst initially I thought it was cute, now I’m sure the guy doesn’t fart without her permission.

She added me on FB just before they got married, even though I have never met her. She used to email when she wanted to know stuff.

Use and abuse doesn’t bother me in the slightest.

She then removed me a while ago, which I wasn’t really concerned about. Probably because I was talking a whole load of rubbish, and she once said she couldn’t quite equate the hijaab with the nonsense.

Anyway, whenever any of his friends say anything on his FB wall, she is always the first to reply, and comment etc, usually within mere minutes. Then he usually adds an opposing comment later. Usually it’s harmless boy stuff ; guys asking about playing footy, or gaming etc. Her replies include ‘If I give him permission then he can play’.

And while I realise that her comments may be an attempt at humour, or not. I don’t think it’s particularly respectful to be addressing your partner like that on a public forum.

Yes they are both happy, he’s probably not bothered, and I’m not even sure why I’m moaning about this. I’m sure he is fine with it, but does getting married really mean that two become one?

 

I’ll be right back

•20/09/2010 • 5 Comments

About ten years ago, a family friend’s daughter was getting married. Both sets of parents had met whilst on Hajj and got to chatting and discovered they both had unwed children, of a marriageable and similar age.

So the rishta happened. The groom was a doctor in a different city, about 3 hours away. The girl was a professional too.

The wedding was arranged. It was the last daughter to get married, no expense was spared. It was held in a big posh hotel.

So the day of the wedding the groom’s party is late. Like really late, like just over two hours late. People are grumbling because they’re hungry and tired from standing around.

They finally arrive, they said they had car trouble. The Nikah is rushed through, people are served food, and as expected the guests all leave quite soon.

So the bride and groom are sent off to their hotel suite. To be married and get on with it.

The groom leaves the suite to go and get something. And the bride waits for him.

And she waits.

And waits some more.

And then realizes that he isn’t coming back.

She rang her brother, who tries to ring the groom’s mobile which is switched off.

Brother comes to the hotel to find the groom, no luck.

Brother takes the bride home, who by now is in a bit of a state.

The girl’s parents ring the groom’s parents demanding an explanation, and of course very surprised that their daughter is at home.

It turns out the boy never wanted to get married, he was seeing somebody in his home town who was non-muslim and he thought his parents would never approve. He initially agreed to the marriage but obviously changed his mind. The reason why they were so late to the wedding was that he refused to attend it, they spent two hours convincing him to go through with it, to save the reputation of the girl’s family, to not humiliate them publicly. He was essentially coerced into attending the ceremony, and did a runner at the first opportunity.

The thing is though, what is worse?

Being jilted at the Nikah table, or being abandoned in a hotel suite?. Some would say it would be better not to be married at all rather than having the stigma of divorce (yes I know it’s small minded, but that’s how some saw it. ‘It doesn’t matter that they weren’t together. She was still married, and now she’s not, she has been stained’) But that’s people for you, stupid people.

Only a handful of people know what actually happened.

The guy was a coward, who really should have stood up to his parents and said no, and what he did was terrible.

The girl was so upset and hurt by what had happened, she simply refused to entertain any suitors. She understandably felt she couldn’t trust anybody ever again.

I’m pleased to say she got married about six weeks ago, and is happy. Insanely happy.

Can I just say that if that ever happened to me, on my wedding night…just when I think I’m finally going to have sexy time after waiting for what feels like FOREVER.

Somebody would die, really really painfully and slowly.

F*c*book

•20/09/2010 • 2 Comments

I think I’m starting to hate Facebook. Or rather the hold and control it has over people.

Over the weekend I attended a pre-wedding party, hosted by a friend of the bride-to-be.  It was the usual; music, food and dancing. Except there was a group of girlies who stopped every six minutes to stand aside, take a minute to pose, and take pictures of themselves. More than once I heard them say ‘For Facebook’.

FFS, whatever happened to spur of the moment pictures, and silly snaps and just messing about with cameras.

The girlies would also check the picture taken, and if it wasn’t up to standard, then it would get deleted and they would take another.

I NEVER had that option when I was growing up. We had a camera that had to be wound on with your thumb. There was no room for error, you just took your chances and waited until after they got developed. By the time you got to see them, it was too late, they had already been passed round the whole family. My cousins keep threatening to have a slide show on my wedding. this is another reason to elope if you ask me.

I kid you not, I would kill somebody if they ever got made public.

I don’t like having my photo being taken, I’m very self-conscious about the way I look, I’m not photogenic at all, and if I think I look remotely fat, then that’s it. I will threaten to dismember people until the offending pictures are deleted. I think I’m also weird about other people taking my photo, regardless of who it is. I keep thinking I’m going to end up for sale somewhere. I have shaadi dot com to thank for that.

I recall a friend telling me a story a few months ago…One of their family friends were getting married. The girl’s family were hijaabi, and fairly religious. Anyway in the wedding invitation they had inserted a letter. the gist of which was ‘We kindly request that our privacy is respected, and people not upload any photos of the wedding onto their Facebook pages’. She said the very same evening her newsfeed was full of pictures of the wedding. I thought it was really sad.

Yes I know we cannot control others actions, but for people to go against your wishes is a bit crap. Short of banning mobiles and cameras what else can you do. People don’t respect their own privacy, so why should we expect them to respect others?

A wedding I attended last year, I was/am good friends with the groom and so thrust to the fore-front of the event. I was the only female in the groom’s party (that’s another story in itself) Loads of photos were taken, and even up until a few months ago, I have seen myself in pictures of random randomers on Facebook.

You wouldn’t share somebody’s phone number, or email without their permission, so why not apply the same rule to photos?

Just because I’m your friend doesn’t mean I want all of your other friends to see pictures of me. Funny how a lot of FB snaps are ones where the gal whose page it is looks great, and you just look like death warmed up.

Permission to post please.

So…

•05/07/2010 • 16 Comments

…Would it be so bad if I said I’m enjoying the journey, and aren’t too bothered about getting to the destination?

Also, I think I broke my hymen on holiday. I know I had said 2010 is the year I want to lose my virginity, but it wasn’t quite how I expected.

I need to do a girl only post.